I have a lot of options and decisions to make over the next couple weeks. Classes, housing, relationships, dorms, travel plans, doctor visits, pain meds, and oh at some point I should probably pick a major. When I start to write things down, I start to feel overwhelmed. Because as I write, I think of more and more things. Sometimes, I really like lists and they help me, but to-do lists are not really my thing. I was overwhelmed by so much stuff to do that I didn't start on any of it, and therefore was behind. This worrying got me nowhere.
I took the last week off facebook. I think it was a really good decision. I spent time by myself, alone, and quite. And I spent time with people, loud, and in person. I didn't settle for facebook posts or status updates. I was intentional with my time, and I liked it. One of the weird things I found myself doing was thinking statuses. Cameron Sierra Kinney:
-loves seeing YL people at McAlister's.
-just found five dollars, f'real.
-is pumped for Harry Potter week at Collins!
-is going to the doctor because her toe is a failure.
-is going to see a llama at church.
-made a wand with an orange handle.
And those are just the ones I remember. Those are the super-important things I wanted to let people know. Weird.
So about how journal updates are really random and disorganized lately. Whatever.
- Music:the bells from the Student Building
I want to go into the woods. No phone, no people. I just want time. Time to think. Time to be. Time to pray. Time to feel. Instead, I'm here. Worrying. Pretending. Faking it.
I've spent so much time lately being unhappy, and I don't know why. I want to be strong, to be free. But I feel weak, and inadequate. I'm so tired. So, so tired.
Jenn and I have been best friends for a while now, but we never see each other. It's an interesting friendship, and most people probably don't understand. I saw her between classes, and we both kind of freaked out. We've gone to the same school for more than four years now, and it's still weird to see her between classes. Ah well. We're special. I like it.
I got done with class at 2:15 and then went to read and memorize for NLT. I like marching hundred a lot, but I really like when rehearsal is canceled on Friday because then I get to go to NLT. And Jennifer Im was there! It was exciting. It's great how easy it is to talk to kids there, even if I don't go to all the meetings. Young Life kids are nice... no surprise there. :)
The first wonderful thing that happened is that I got an e-mail saying I made men's basketball band. They said there were quite a few trombone spots open, but I thought I'd be an alternate for sure. I'm last on the list, which means that I barely made it, but that's ok. I get to be a part of it, and I'm so excited. :) It's also great because I haven't bought tickets yet. Procrastination=win.
On Friday, I went to Abby's dorm to watch "A Walk To Remember." I've seen that movie so many times, and a few times with Abby, but I love it, and it's a tradition, so I still enjoy it. We invited Nathan, and then Emily as well. Abby's single room is a little small for four people to watch a movie, so we adventured all the way to Collins because I have a tv. Well, actually my roomate has a tv. I get to use it all the time, so hooray! It was an interesting group of people, but it was really great. We also tried to introduce Emily to old school Switchfoot like Chem 6A and Company Car. "I wish I lhad llllllllllllllllllllllllllllll llghhTDGFHLGWADSXZLDFHLJYHGLFD SXDLFGHTJLYHL^%$W#SLL@#$%L$&$L I&^JYTFGL$%LLRTBFWLL FGSLdf df"
On Saturday I slept in until noon. OH MY GOSH FANTASTIC. I'm a fan. However, the trombone party started at noon, so it was sort of unfortunate. However, that's ok. I got ready and was there late, but that's ok. As soon as they got there, they threw a football at me. It hit me in the leg really hard, but I sort of just kept walking. Mmmm, football. I spend a lot of time with the mello section, but I think I'm starting to fit in better with the trombones. I'm still awkward and naive, but I can play basketball so it's ok.
Because I was already in Elletsville, I drove over to Spencer to see my grandpa. For so much of his life, he was the strong one, the provider, and now I think it's really hard for him to accept help. He's using a walker all the time, but I can tell he doesn't want to. I'm sad that he can't do everything he wants to because it must be frustrating, but I'm glad to see he's not just giving up. He does everything he can, and is learning to accept help when he really needs it. I like my grandpa. He's awesome. And he gave me gummy fruit snacks!
I came back and went to hang out with Connor Megan, Princess Megan, or any other name I call her. We went to Opie Taylor's and I got a black bean burger. Yummmm. :) We went to the Waldron to see Dr. Horrible's Sing Along. Sometimes I love big high-budget theatre, and sometimes I love small stuff with people who aren't perfect. I love seeing people performing who really care and are passionate about what they're doing, and luckily that's what I saw. And Travis was in it! Hooray! We had an interesting run-in with Jeremy. I've honestly never talked to him before, but he acted like he knew me. He said I'd be a good doctor, so I guess he's ok. Then, Megan told me not to be afraid of the future. I'm going to try to believe her.
I was about ready to call it a day, but then Emily called and that was great! I went over to Forest to watch a movie with her and Chelsea, who has a last name AND a phone number. I learned both of them. We tried to call Nathan, but he didn't answer. He doesn't hate us though. It's ok. Then we watched a movie, decided parts of it were super awkward, and it's probably better Nathan wasn't there. Girl time is awesome, and Nathan is a boy. Chelsea also had magic chocolate with caramel in it. It was in candy bar form, but already separated, so it was the best thing ever made better by the fact that you didn't have to break apart the pieces and make messes. They were 2 for 4! Dollars, that is. It was late when the movie finished, so I made sad face and was allowed to have a sleepover. Woohoo! I felt super special, because they blew up an air mattress and put on sheets and gave me TWO pillows! I have friends, woop woop! Oh, and we watched a Jaws re-make, and hopefully Emily will post the link to YouTube because it's definitely worth watching.
I woke up in cozy flannel sheet wonderfulness, but I had to leave to get ready for church. Nathan didn't meet me at Collins though, because he slept in. *gasp!* So, I decided to be Lutheran with Emily and Chelsea. And Runcible Spoon! Nom nom nom!
I've had skype for a while now, but I've never used the video part of it. Katie DeBoer got skype though, and we were each others firsts, in a non-awkward way. I gave her a cribs tour of my room, and she gave me one of her house. Her sister thinks I'm awkward, and I called her dad a jerk. To his face. Sort of. It was successful. I miss her. Harumph. I can't wait for the work crew reunion in Chicago!!!!!!!! :)
Some of the trombones decided to go shooting today. Like real shooting. With guns. Not water guns. I abstained. But, they decided to play football in Woodlawn field. Since I live across the street, I thought it'd be pretty lame not to go, so I went, anticipating having a horrible time. But you know? I almost like football. It was the not-getting-tackled or the actually-getting-passed-to that made this way better than any gym class football memories. I scored. Twice! Once I ran (super fast, of course) and once I caught it. Oh! And I deflected a pass. BAM! Umm... athletics.
Anyway, now it's Sunday night and I've done no homework, but I think it's been worth it. I had fun. I saw lots of people. I like college.
- Music:Eminem. That's moderately embarrassing. Oh well.
Neither tv or facebook are terribly important. I feel that the fact that my attention is divided doesn't make me miss out on much. When I text during dinner, it means I'm not fully aware of the people I'm actually with. I have so many fantastic memories of people when I'm with them, not memories of texting them. When I do homework, I often get distracted by the music I listen to. None of this multitasking is terribly damaging, or at least I don't see it that way.
I went to Young Life yesterday, just to help out. During the leader talk, I saw two girls texting. More than anything, it just made me really sad. Those ten minutes, I think everything said was important, and because they weren't listening, they missed it. So often, people talk about how they missed something that was right in front of them. While they were texting, I saw them miss out on something important, something that could've changed their lives.
Until a few weeks ago, I only had 200 texts a month. People were amazed that I could "survive" with that. Now that I've joined the rest of the unlimited texting world, I feel like I still don't text as much as most people. I don't want to miss out on what's going on around me because I'm so focused on a text message. I like people. I want real relationships. I want college to be filled with real experiences that make me laugh so hard my stomach hurts, not messages that require a "lol."
(And yes, while writing this entry I've also been watching an episode of House. Multitasking. Always.)
- Location:Collins
So anyway... there's this one girl I see almost every day on my way to Chem. She lives in Collins, I'm pretty sure, so no matter if I leave late or early, I see her. Her clothing choice is a little different, and I've never seen her walking or talking with other people, so I worked extra hard to smile at her. Day after day, she just sort of looked at me. Maybe she thought I was laughing at her, but I hope not. Today, I forgot that I had a whole basket of clean laundry, so I went to my t-shirt drawer to find three t-shirts, one of them being the Collins t-shirt. I wore it, because I was late and didn't care. So when I saw her today, I was wearing a Collins t-shirt, and she smiled back. So, did she smile back because of my two weeks of smiling? Or was it because she saw the Collins shirt and figured I was pretty strange myself, even if I don't show it by the way I dress?
I wish I could wear a giant cross necklace and have the same effect on people. I wish by seeing a cross necklace people would make assumptions that I was nice, caring, compassionate, and loved everyone. Instead, I think if people saw a cross they'd first think I was judgmental, close-minded, and thought of my self as better than them. For anyone who knows me, I hope they know that's not who I am. For anyone who's talked to me about Jesus, I hope they know that that's not what it means to be a Christian. For now I guess, I'll wear my Collins t-shirt and smile at people, hopefully brightening someone's day.
----------
Last week, my mom called me and told me she needed to talk to me, but that it could wait until the weekend. So, I went home for lunch this Sunday and my mom told me that at the end of this year she would not have a job. I knew the economy was bad, and that cuts were being made in county government, but it was still a "No, that'll never happen to me," situation. Well, not me, but my family. I've never thought of either of my parents' jobs as dispensable, but apparently they are. My mom didn't get fired; her position got eliminated. So, all the programs and events she organized just won't happen. No more Senior Day at the fair. No more Stanford group. No more Cubs/Reds games trips. No more trips to see the latest and greatest thing in Indianapolis.
I don't know how truthful she was when she said, "We'll be alright." I have no idea what my dad makes, or how much of her salary was going towards college. I don't know if she'll find a job by next summer, or if I'll have to start putting in applications. Maybe she'll go to helping my dad with the rentals full time. I don't know. I don't know at all. I'm going to try not to stress about this too much, but sometimes I can't help it.
- Mood:working
- Music:Hello Seattle -Owl City
- Location:MCPL!
The more you study, the more you know
The more you know, the more you forget
The more you forget, the less you know
So why study?
I first read those words six years ago in England. Until now, I just thought they were sort of humorous. They were a different outlook on life, and an exscuse not to study.
But now, those words seem to explain what I'm feeling, or what I'm going through. Study probably isn't the right word. For my life, I think the poem would be summarized, the more I experience, the more I don't understand.
Yesterday, I returned from a two week mission trip in Nicaragua. About a month ago, I read The Irresistable Revolution. Those are the two experiences lately that have inspired more questions than answers. I regret doing neither, but I'm lost as to what to think.
The Irresistable Revolution confronted a lot of the things about Christianity that bother me. ex. spending millions on church building renovations and not on the poor, being selective of who is worthy of charity, supporting the death penalty because of the old testament, and the hatred that is by Christianity and politics. Ok. So far so good. I mostly agreed with all of the book, and I was glad to know that there were other people who desired a kingdom of love and mercy instead of looking better than others and spreading the news that they were right.
Then in Nicaragua, I was confronted with another topic of the book- poverty. In Nicaragua, it's pretty clear by my severely not tan skin that our group is American. People everywhere were constantly asking us for money. Sometimes, people talk about how the people there assume we have immeasurable wealth, that we can give them everything they need, but we can't. And part of this is true- we can't give people everything they need. Just throwing money at a problem isn't going to fix anything completely.
But, I feel that what we severely under-estimate what we think we can give. We do what we can so that we give enough to feel like we're helping, but not enough that it actually makes an impact on our lives. Yes, I went on a mission trip to Nicaragua. We painted some buildings and worked towards getting purified water for a school. We gave the family we stayed with a new t-shirt, a board game, a necklace, and some cds.
I came home, and I'm overwhelmed by how much I have that I refuse to give away. From where I'm sittinig, in my room I can see that I have 10 functioning light bulbs, two computers (including a brand new lap top), four instruments, a closet full of clothes of which I only wear about 1/3 of, and probably $1,000 worth of cds and dvds.
Even after seeing people living in poverty, I'm still very very reluctant to give away anything. I claim to follow Jesus, and I don't want to give up any part of the comfortable life I'm living.
I'm so quick to point out the flaws in Christians who pick out parts of the Bible and ignore others, but I am just as guilty. I have flaws. Many of them. Maybe it's time I start acknowledging them.
- Music:Weapons -Jars of Clay
The last few weeks have been pretty fun. I will summarize.
(This is mostly for me so that I will remember, but if you'd like to read it, go ahead.)
I went to prom, and it was lots of fun. (I didn't pay to get my hair done, so hopefully I will be able to find a good use for it. Like... Holiday World!) Nathan didn't get silver shoes like I requested, but he did have a silver vest, so it was ok. He also picked out orange flowers, which were awesome. :) We (Chelsea, Justina, Aliya, Tyler, asfdlsadf, Pat, Tamar, Nate, me, Nathan, Laura, and Kevin) took pictures at Nate's house and then went to Domo, which was sort of problematic, but still yummy.
Then, actual prom. Well... I tried to dance, which is always fun. I got to slow dance with Sarah VT, and that was pretty sweet. :)
After prom, the plan was to go to Nate's to go swimming and sleep over. I was supposed to buy chips, but I forgot. So, Nathan and I went to Kroger (still in prom clothing, of course) a little after midnight. Also at Kroger was an AAU basketball team from West Virginia. They asked if we had just gotten married. (Black dress??? Sure...) We told them no. We bought some chips, and went to Nate's. There was pizza! And a swimming pool with lights that changed colors. After swimming, Nate put in a movie, and I quickly fell asleep.
Then, I had to go back to school and forced to face the fact that I had a 47% for the semester in Physics. It was sort of a bummer. I was worried that if I didn't pass, I wouldn't get an honors diploma, which ended up being not true, but it was a good motivator to get caught up. I had some help though, so thanks a lot to Zuzanna, Nathaniel, Sarah, and Mollie. Even without being there for half of the labs, I still managed to turn most of them in. Hooray!
For English, I had to give a senior speech. I chose to talk about forgiveness, because it's something I've struggled with. I tried to talk about how forgiveness isn't something you should do just for other people, and how it's something that you should also do for yourself. I was nervous about giving the speech, but I'm really glad I did. The positive feedback I received from friends is what meant the most to me, and I'm glad some of them liked it.
The second to last day of school was a Wednesday, so it was the last official Wombat Wear Wednesday. It's such a strange thing, but I'm really glad wombats happened. It's silly, but I like silliness. The last day was sparkle day, but I didn't have anything sparkly. So, I made a tin foil hat, hoping that sparkly and shiny were close enough, and they were. At 2:30 on Thursday, I though about walking out of Mrs. Wilson's room and driving away, but I decided to make one last stop in the band room, and I'm glad I did. I spent so much time there, and it's where I met most of my friends in high school. Then, Nathan and I drove to Chocolate Moose for ice cream, and concequently Nathan ended up skateboarding in 3rd Street Park. He's pretty skilled.
The next day, Friday, was Nathan's recital, and I was especially :)
Then, surprise surprise, I graduated! Practicing graduation was one of the most boring things I've ever done, but I was lucky enough to be sitting between two people I know and like, Andrea and Susie. On actual graduation day though, it all flew by really quickly. They told me not to wear flip flops because I would trip, but I wore them and nothing bad happened. (Shocker.) When they called my name, I expected to hear my family members who came (Judy, KK, Ariel, Grandpa, Uncle Victor, Aunt Shirley, Aunt Dottie, and Lisa) clapping, but I forgot about the band. They were close to where I was so it seemed really loud, and I really appreciated it. I really liked all of the student speeches. Sometimes in the past (as I watched from the band or orchestra) the student speeches tended to ramble, but these were really good. After switching the tassle from right to left, I threw my hat in the air and caught it! That was exciting. :) Then my family came to my house to eat lunch, and it was great. :)
I was a little apprehensive about having a graduation party. Silly as it may sound, I was worried no one would come, even if people said they were officially attending on facebook. I did have fun setting up all the pictures though. I got to frame every 8x10 school and pre-school picture I've ever had taken, as well as an abridged sports history photo chronology, as well as a poster with miscelaneous pictures fo family and friends. The marching band pictures also showed up, freshman awkwardness and all. Maya showed up promptly at 2:00, and she gave me a flower. I like flowers. Shortly after that, more and more people arrived, and eventually I was having a hard time saying hi to everyone because there were too many people getting there at once. It was really fun though, and I really appreciate everyone who came or stopped by to celebrate with me.
My cousin Ariel came for my graduation, and she left yesterday. We got to do fun stuff, like go swimming, find silly things at Target, set off fireworks, and see "Up." After dropping her off at the air port, I went to Emily's apartment with Jeni to catch up and pray for all the kids going to Wyldlife camp. They left around 5:00 this morning, and hopefully they're having the best week of their lives. :) Then, I went to Nate's and played Purduopoly. I successfully bought all the orange properties, including the marching band, but Nate won anyway. Oh well. It was fun, even if the boys made a pact. Tamar is cool.
And now... today! Today is going to be a good day.
- Mood:
happy - Music:Fiction Family
As I mentioned, he is a veteran. A few weeks ago, he took a trip to Washington DC to see the WWII memorial with other veterans on an "honor flight." They all left at 4:00 am and returned late that night, but they went because it was something that was a major part of their lives. Senator Dole even pushed my grandpa's wheelchair, and he loves telling that to anyone who will listen.
Today, on this memorial day weekend, they honored the men who had served by asking them to speak about their trip to DC. There were four in the congregation who went on the trip, and they were eager to share about their experiences. This bothered me a little bit, because the combination of church and war doesn't seem quite right, but the focus of the sermon was on how the soldiers prohibited great harm and the dangers of WWII from becomming worse and how we should now strive for peace in every situation, so I was ok with it.
Then everyone said the pledge of allegiance.
In elementary school, I didn't like saying the pledge because I was lazy. In third grade, Mrs. Sanders explained that it was very important. After that, I went back to not saying it out of laziness. But recently, over the past couple years, I've not said it very, very intentionally.
So my first allegiance is not to a flag, a country, or a man
My first allegiance is not to democracy or blood
It's to a king and a kingdom
-Derek Webb "A King and a Kingdom"
Those lyrics pretty accurately sum up my feelings of patriotism. I live in America, and I'm glad I do. The freedoms I have and take for granted are truly remarkable, and superior to those in much of the world. I have access to education, clean water, and a safe environment. I have the freedom of speech and religion, among others. I live in a society where hardship is not being able to afford college. Yes college is important and I'm definitely going, but 12 years of relatively free education in this country is something many people only dream of.
But pledging allegiance... to a country?
I pledge allegiance to the flag
Of the United States of America
And to the republic
For which it stands
One nation, under God
Indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.
I'm not particularly inclined to pledge my blind allegiance to a country who was founded with slavery and desegregated its schools half a century ago. I'm not particularly inclined to pledge my blind allegiance to a country that gave "gifts" of smallpox infested blankets. I'm not particularly inclined to pledge my blind allegiance to a country who commits acts of torture in the name of freedom.
The United States is a great country in many ways. Yes, we have our faults. But, why would I pledge allegiance to a country with faults if I know that there is something out there without faults?
- Music:A King And A Kingdom -Derek Webb
One day, Jesse Feddersen, Will Bray, and I were sitting in Econ class, doing basically nothing, as usual. Then, Mr. Leonard decided that we needed to do some work, so he assigned a group project. So, mostly because we were sitting by each other, we decided to be in a group together. Our goal was to bring a business to Bloomington and explain why Bloomington was a great place. For our project, we sort of researched monorails. We also needed a professional group name. We (Will, maybe?) chose the name wombats. But, it wasn't professional enough, so we changed our name to The Professional Wombats.
We are very professional. Because we are professional, we sing Sweet Georgia Brown. Actually, only Jesse and I sing. Will just curses, because he is the cursing wombat. Jesse is the smart wombat/wombat with long flowing locks. I am the awkward wombat. It works well. We're a good team. All good teams need official apparel. Will Bray made the design. I edited it a little, but the original spirit is definitely still there.
We have a hand shake and a gang sign. I really can't explain it. Well, I'll try. So, it's basically the bird shadow puppet, except only the index finger points up. Basically, it looks like a W. But, if you're not a wombat, you're not allowed to use the gang sign. It's a very exclusive group. Ben Newman and Nathan Pratt showed interest in joining the group. So, the wombat council voted. Unfortunately for them, a unanimous vote is necessary to join, and neither of them were accepted.
Because they wanted to be wombats, we gave them the name wannabewombateers. Apparently, they don't like that name. It was about this time that the t-shirt printing got serious and I started taking orders. Hannah Clendening was really enthusiastic about wombat t-shirts. However, she also likes marmosets. A lot.
Time out. This is really important. (credit Jon Esarey)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4oiLfTnrC
So, Hannah got people thinking about marmosets, and instead of wannabewombateers, the people who are not wombats are now apparently part of the marmoset group. I don't really understand. They still wear wombat shirts. Silly marmosets.
Wombat wombat wombat.
- Music:The Marmoset Song
So many times, I focus on all of the bad things in the world. It’s easy to look around and be overwhelmed by the chaos, the death, and the destruction that happens every day. Every once in a while, I see little things that give me tremendous hope for the world. Those are really amazing moments.
My dad often calls Indiana the Mississippi of the South. After seeing the movie “Mississippi Burning,” it has reawakened me to the horrors people are capable of committing because of racial prejudices. Home of the KKK, Indiana is far from perfect. In most cases, these feelings of distrust and hate of other races lives on only in small towns.
Spencer, Indiana is a small town. My dad grew up there. In the ‘50s, he was a teenager. He talks about Jackie Robinson, the first African American to make it in major league baseball. It was an unsettling topic for many people, at the time. However, I love this town. It’s where my grandparent’s house is, on both my mom and dad’s sides of the family. The church in Spencer is where I’ve spent nearly every Christmas and Easter of my entire life. Family gatherings almost always end up happening there. Some of the people I’ve met in this town are truly wonderful.
However, it’s still a small town in southern Indiana. According to the 2000 census, Spencer is 98.5% white. It’s still a little backwards when it comes to some things. Owen county fairs and sporting events are where I’ve witnessed some of the worst racism I’ve ever known. It was never anything actually done, but just the words that some people say, well, they never fail to shock me.
So back to this church, the one in Spencer I go to for Christmas and Easter. It’s small. On Easter Sunday, the Choir had sixteen people, and the congregation was about forty people. Unfortunately, churches are not exempt from racism, and historically have been promoters of all sorts of terrible things, including giving reasons for segregation. It’s something I struggle with every day, but that doesn’t erase the fact that it’s true.
While sitting through the Easter service, I noticed that there were two black men in the congregation. Statistically, this church is more racially diverse than the church I go to in liberal liberal Bloomington. So, I was surprised. Spencer? Really? During joys and concerns, one of these men stood up and thanked the congregation for the notes and letters he’d received over the last few months. He also informed them that in one week (today), he would be leaving again for Afghanistan. They loved him.
It was about this time that I realized I had judged these people, without cause. I assumed they were all stuck in the past, still harboring feelings of racism. But, after going to this service and the brunch afterwards, I was overjoyed to see that I was quite mistaken.
I’m not naive enough to think that because of this, everything else in the United States has improved, too. I don’t think the security increases in DC were made because Obama is secretly a Communist. I think they were made because he is black, and there are still plenty of people in this country who are not ok with that. But, I think it’s unreasonable to think that a country who still had legalized slavery 150 years ago will fix itself overnight. It’s going to take time. It’s going to take more time than it should. But, I have hope, because I see what’s happening in a small town in southern Indiana.
-----------------------
5/6/09
Haha, no way! Oh Spencer. Progress progress. :)
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=66
What is the smallest town in
festival?
Be a part of history and join
us on 6-6-09.
- Mood: hopeful
Dear Christian,
Please stop complaining about the economic recession in America. Seriously. It’s beginning to bug me. I’m bothered by the mass layoffs as much as the next person, but I just can’t help but be irked by how you’re coping with this so-called crisis. So, if you don’t mind, please stop your whining.
Please stop thinking that the “blessed are the poor” verse in the Beatitudes now applies to you, because you had to stop going out to eat more than once a week. I would appreciate it if you would stop lamenting how you’re strapped for cash and forced to “cut costs” just after you bought your teenager her very own cell phone with text messaging plan. There are real people who are hurting during this time, and it’s apparently not you. Not while your kids play their hand-held video games in the backseat of the Suburban and you and the Mrs. enjoy worship tunes blasting from the iPod. Not while you drink Starbucks coffee after church and spend your Sundays taking naps in a well-heated home.
No, you’re not “hurting” as badly as you’d like to think. So, give it a rest, would you? Your “sufferings” are insults to those who have been laid off and tossed to the curb. Your “trials” are simply offensive to those who have lost their homes in the past six months. Frankly, right now, I’m a little ashamed to be included among you.
However, I’m concerned that there may be more at stake here than just your family’s ability to go on vacation or buy more plasma screen TVs. A world that has been skeptical of evangelicalism for awhile now has an opportunity to be proven wrong, and I’m worried that we’re missing it. Because we’re caught up in the melodrama of our own inconveniences, we’re missing the chance to show those who have yet to see true Christianity in action. I’m not talking about megachurches and light shows. I’m talking about the kind of Christianity that puts generosity above self-preservation. I’m talking about the kind of Christianity that gives not just out of its affluence, but even out of its poverty. I’m talking about the kind of Christianity where solidarity doesn’t just mean being united in orthodox beliefs, but it also means sharing each other’s resources.
There is something else that really puzzles me, dear Christian. If you’re really hurting during this recession as you claim to be, why in the world haven’t you turned off your cable or satellite service in order to make this month’s rent? Why do you still drive that new gas-guzzler all over the suburbs? And why the heck are you still buying brand-name foods and clothing?
Let’s be perfectly clear—I don’t have anything against SUVs, nice restaurants, or even home entertainment. But you said, “Times are tough,” and I’m just failing to see it. If that were the case, wouldn’t your spending habits have changed by now? Wouldn’t you stop going to the mall every Saturday afternoon? Wouldn’t you have been forced to sell something in order to feed your children? Or was that not necessary? Did you mean to say, “I can no longer comfortably consume everything in sight without seeing the natural consequences of my greed”? Is that what you meant?
I’m not trying to be a jerk; I just want you to see that there are bigger things happening than your own excessive wants not being met. Consider the possibility that some families in your neighborhood have recently lost all forms of income. They’re hurt, confused, and scared. A Jesus-follower like yourself could do them a lot of good, if you were aware of their plight. Be warned—it’s impossible to significantly help others, if you’re feeling sorry for yourself.
I am sure that you’ve heard Jesus’ “Parable of the Talents” at some point. You may have even listened to a preacher pontificate on the principle that God doesn’t give us “much” until we’ve proven ourselves trustworthy with “little.” I wonder if maybe the opposite is now happening—that our Lord wants to see what we’ll do with less than we’re accustomed to having. Will we bravely give, even when our own creature comforts take a hit, or will we get caught up in our frustrated pursuits of consumption and excess? I realize that you may have had to make some real sacrifices lately, and I don’t want to make light of that. If that’s the case, then I challenge you (and myself) to consider how God may still be calling us to be courageously generous. Maybe during this recession, He is calling us to bless others. Not because we can afford it, but because we, as members of an invisible kingdom that offers freedom from the world’s system, can’t afford not to be so bold with whatever He has entrusted to us.
Before I went to the sleepover, I went to Spring Slam, hosted by FCA at Sherwood Oaks. I lost at musical chairs with lay ups, but I bribed Miss Hill into giving me a free t-shirt anyway. (Score!) I think Mollie designed the shirts. They're pretty awesome. And, during the concert when The Good Shepherd Band played, I got to sit in a tiny chair between Jeni and Miss Hill. Tiny chairs are definitely awesome. I left during the dodgeball tournament, and I accidentally forgot my bag with my wallet in the gym. Oops. So, I texted Nathan and he brought it to my house later. (Thanks :) )
After acquiring my free t-shirt, I headed over to the sleepover. When I got there, they were still eating pizza, so I didn't really miss too much because I had Chick-fil-A at Spring Slam. Yummmmmm chicken. :) After subtly trying to re-learn all the girls names, my lack of girly skills were made quite evident. Apparently, I missed out on the memo that we were doing facials. So, I smiled, tried to pretend like I knew what I was doing, and started putting funny green stuff all over my face. Some of the leaders had cameras, so I'm sure there are some super awesome pictures on facebook somewhere. (I won't see them for a couple more weeks because I gave up facebook for Lent in an attempt to spend more time doing things that are actually worthwhile.) Also, because I was a facial newbie, I didn't know that you're not supposed to move your face a lot, because then it cracks and gets gross and funny looking. I smile a lot, so that didn't go so well. Basically, I was even more funny looking than all the other girls with green stuff on their face.
We were supposed to do a photo scavenger hunt, but because it was raining were worried we were going to have to skip it. Luckily, we decided that we could go ahead with it, because it wasn't raining too much. I was one of the two drivers for team A. (good name, right?) Tessa, who was also in my car, was the official clue reader. Sometimes, I would get so caught up in the scavenger hunt that I would forget that I was supposed to give the other girls a chance to answer first. Much to Tessa's disapproval, I usually drove the speed limit and slowed down for speed bumps. (Lame, I know.)
Some of the places we went were Sample Gates, Dunn Meadow, People's Park, and Cascades. However, my favorite was when we went to the mall. Because we had delayed the trip, by the time we got to the mall it was about 9:30. Our first location to take a picture was at Dick's Sporting Goods. The door was closed, so we took a picture outside.
[Time out. I just looked outside. It's snowing. I'm going to be at Bradford Woods tomorrow. I'm going to freeze. Nooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!]
The next clue said something about accessories, and everyone knew that meant we needed to go to Claire's. I still get most of my earings there, actually. The stores were closed, but the lights were on and the outer door was unlocked, so we went inside. We (well, they) decided to do handstands against the windows at Claire's, so I nominated myself as picture taker, because I really didn't feel the need to embarrass myself anymore. The clue after that involved going to Target to take a picture, so we hurried over to Target. However, we got stopped by a mall cop. He seemed thoroughly baffled as to how we had all gotten inside the impenetrable locked mall. We tried to explain that the door was unlocked, and he kindly asked us to leave. I'm sure the sight of several giggling teenaged girls hurrying through the mall after hours was not exactly the sort of criminal activity he was trained to stop.
With our mall adventure brought to an abrupt end, we returned to the house where we were staying and scrambled to form the letters W and L to complete the photo scavenger hunt. (Team A won, by the way. Because WE'RE AWESOME!)
- Mood:
sleepy - Music:Think Of The Time I Save (from The Pajama Game)
The jazz part of it was awesome. The Brian Blade concert was amazing. That was on Thursday night, and the entire band was exhausted after the fourteen hour bus ride. I really wish I would've been able to stay awake for the entire performance though. On Saturday night, we all had tickets to see Astro Project. But, it was after a long day so some people decided not to go. There were still about twenty people who wanted to go, so we still went. It was in a small jazz club called Snug Harbor. Ms. Stockhouse bought us cokes, and I have a feeling she put it on the BHSN Band Boosters credit card. And the cokes had lime in them! Whoa.
So... New Orleans. Parts of it were cool. The church by Jackson square was really beautiful, and the street musicians were really cool. Actually, I bought a cd by a trombone player named Glen Andrews who was playing in the street. He was really cool and signed the cd. We also went to Cafe du Monde, where all they sell is beignets and coffee. The beignets were basically doughnuts in a square shape without icing with tons of powdered sugar. Jesse consolodated the extra powdered sugar from everyone's bag and then carried it around. Oh wombat. :)
So... New Orleans. Parts of it were not cool. The first day we basically had free time to wander around the French Quarter. There was a group of six of us walking around, and on some roads it seemed like the only two things around were stores selling tourist t-shirts and stores selling sex. And really, it wasn't very subtle. The signs and the advertisements in the windows were just so vulgar. The worst was a store we walked by called "Barely Legal" that had four girls standing in the doorway, barely wearing clothing. It was so sad. A couple of them looked like they were only fourteen, if even. It was just weird to think that a portion of the city could thrive and make money because of that. My instinct to help people is always there, but at that moment I wanted to run away as fast as possible.
- Music:Down By The Riverside -Glen David Andrews
I think I have a problem. I can't tell the difference between blue and purple. I mean, sometimes I can, but I feel like I get corrected a lot. I call something blue and everyone tells me it's purple. Hmmmmmmmm.
Second most important-
For Valentine's Day, I watched Star Wars VI and it was awesome. Some people probably think that's lame and that I should've gone out to a fancy dinner or an opera or something, but I'm glad I can still act twelve.
Next important-
Lately, I've been kind of down. Most of my close friends know this, but for the last couple weeks I felt like I was just going through the motions (song! Matthew West) of everything, but not really enjoying anything. The most concerning thing was my apathy towards my friends. So much of my life revolves around my relationships with people, and when all of them felt off, it just really confused me.
At the Young Life Campaigner Overnight this weekend, we talked a lot about changing the school. We talked about reaching out to people who needed friends. One example that came up time and time again was about lunch tables. And it got me thinking, on one of the seminar days, I don't really have a first choice table. I don't have a close group of friends to sit with. I know the people I sit with and they're fine, but I constantly compare it to my friends on the other days. So, essentially, I feel a little left out one of ten days. I wonder what it feels like to be totally left out, each and every day. I wonder what it's like to have plenty of aquaintances, but no one who takes a genuine interest in their life. I'm not eager to find out. As far as I'm concerned, I'm awkward enough as is.
Another thing we talked about was cliques. While BHSN might not quite be like the High School in Mean Girls, it would be a lie to say that everyone gets along with everyone else. While I associate with a couple different circles, comfortable is definitely a word I could use while I'm with any of them. And in as least an offensive way as possible, I think I might be plateauing. (I don't think that's a real word. Oh well.) If I stay where I am, I don't think I'll grow. So am I going to abandon my old friends? No, of course not. I love them. They're great. And ridiculos. And awesome. But I think this weekend was the push I needed to get out and talk to new people. My goal is not to convince them to come to camp, or to bring them to YL club, but just to be someone who they see as nice, and maybe even someone who they can tell loves others. In my three remaining months of high school, I don't know how well that'll go. But hey, we'll see, and hopefully it'll turn out well.
Of moderate importance-
Last Thursday, I went to church to donate blood. They asked me about 8,000 times if I had AIDS, and I said no. I'm lucky enough that needles don't freak me out, and getting blood drawn really doesn't hurt very much. But, apparently my veins are not so awesome. They had to use both arms because my left arm was really bad. They said it was ok to go home, but I was willing to keep trying. I mean, it wasn't exactly a fun experience, but I'm glad I did it. The hour I spent being poked by needles could help save a life, and I think that's awesome. Also, now I have some super bruises on both arms. X-core!
Basically not important-
I went to ISSMA state solo & ensemble for the last time this weekend. I was in a trombone chior with two euphoniums. We played ok, and still got a gold. I'm glad I participated this year because I got to be a leader in the group, but it really wasn't that much fun.
Really not important-
Dane sang "automatic supersonic hypnotic funky fresh" almost anytime he talked to me this weekend. He's... cool.
Also, Tessa is really good at Jenga. :)
- Music:The Motions -Matthew West
My summer is already filling up. Nicaragua, Young Life Camp, YL Work Crew, IU Music Clinic, West Virginia, Pyoca, something with ECC, super-cool road trip, ack! Too much stuff to do! I guess I now have August thanks to no more band camp EVER, so that'll be awesome. :)
My first Chrysalis meeting is this Thursday and I'm reeeeeeeeeally excited. :D
Some people on facebook are posting 25 random things about themselves. I'm going to try, because I can't think of anything else to write about and I really don't want to read Hamlet.
1. I hate silverware.
2. I've read all the Harry Potter books exactly once.
3. I've had plastic surgery on my face.
4. My fingers are more flexible than the rest of me ever has been or will be.
5. My ceiling is green.
6. For the longest time, I had serious trouble spelling "maybe."
7. The amount of Gilmore Girls I watch is border line embarrassing.
8. I have more pairs of shoes than pairs of socks.
9. I'm in a super awesome gang called The Wombats. We have a handshake.
10. I'm a surprising talented parallel parker.
11. My favorite part of orchestra was the Valentine's Day cookies, so I'm selling them this year even though I'm not in orchestra.
12. The musical this year is going to be seriously awkward. But, it'll be ok. Yes.
13. Zuzanna and I have this weird thing where if you step on the crack of the sidewalk you have to balance it out by stepping on a different crack in the same place on the opposite foot.
14. Sometimes I pretend to be super cool and alternative, but it's definitely not true.
15. Pretentious and indubitably are two of my favorite words.
16. Three of my best friends are going to or will be going to IU, but I'm pretty sure I'm going out of state.
17. Gumby is on my desk, and he's cool.
18. At Mid-West, I got recruited to the air force. It was terrifying.
19. I love the beach, but I would never want to live there.
20. I like giving people new middle names. Ex. Sarah Tortellini Isaacson and Adam Rupert Nichols.
21. I'm more tan that Liz Fallwell.
22. My mom always compliments my hair when I think it looks the worst. I'm not sure why.
23. I have a cat named Beethoven, and he's awesome.
24. My three best friends who are girls barely know each other.
25. I like Young Life, a lot, and I think you should come check it out.
Wow. That was really unsuccessful. I'll try to come up with some more things for that list.
(1/26 Now I have 10. Yay!)
(2/3 21!)
(2/9 hooray completion!)
- Music:Open Your Eyes -Snow Patrol
In the last two days, I’ve seen The Notebook twice– once on purpose with Liz (interrupted by Kendra and Patrick), and once with my mom, because our DVD player was super-failing and it was on television. It’s become one of those movies that I’ve seen entirely too many times, the kind I look up on IMDb to check the goofs section so that I can pretend to be all-knowing.
It’s probably in the top ten most cliche movies of all time. Kendra and Patrick made fun of it for the entire fifteen minutes they were there, and they didn’t have to exaggerate. It’s lame and cheesy and parts of it are completely predictable, but I tend to ignore those things because I’m lame and cheesy and sometimes completely predictable.
My favorite part is in the beginning, when Noah is talking about how his life was nothing extraordinary. But, he adds that "In one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who's ever lived: I've loved another with all my heart and soul; and to me, this has always been enough."
puddle :)
tangent
College is stressful. Well, it seems like it will be stressful. Applying is stressful. Not hearing back from IU is really not ok. I mean, really? IU? They should take me. I applied early. And I dominated the math section of the SAT. I applied before November 1st . Raaaaaaah! Hmph. I got into Butler... that’s cool. I haven’t heard back from anywhere else though. Maybe Mr. Chaffin didn’t actually send out all the counselor forms I gave him. I did address the envelopes for him though. He probably sent them. I want to go to college. Really, I do. I just want to find out where I’m accepted and where I’m not so that I can make an actual decision instead of making things up every time people ask me, "So how’s the college search going?" Bleh.
return
So back to Noah, and how awesome he is. Basically, he measured his life by how he cared for someone else. It’s not by what great accomplishment he would be remembered by, or by how much money he made, but by how he loved someone else. It’s a made up story from a made up time (known as the 40s, magic!), but it’s still cool to know that some people still think about measuring their lives that way. I know I don’t measure my life that way. But as a thought, as a gentle reminder that it’s not all about money or success or popularity or getting into UNC, I like it.
Yep. :)
- Music:Michelle Branch (thanks Abby :] )
Apathy... yuck. Also, apathy about school. Not ok. Especially with finals so soon.
Why don't I care anymore??
- Mood:
worried - Music:Blind -Lifehouse
(Ok, these next things aren't major disappointments, but I really wanted to use that title)
Econ is definitely not a real class. Lots happened today, but none of it was related to Econ. For my birthday present, Will tried not to curse all class period. He slipped three times, but he tried so hard, and I'm proud of him. :) We also played the game where you write a sentence, and then someone has to draw a picture of the sentence, and then you cover the first sentence, and then someone writes a sentence about the picture. It's kind of like telephone, only it uses writing and drawing instead of speaking. Flying penguin prince, huzzah! And the igloo? I wonder who has that paper now...
And then there was the anticipation of The Pajama Game cast list being posted after school. I was a little apprehensive about it, and I didn't even try out. Hopefully I'll get to play trombone in the pit. That'd be awesome! When the bell rang at 2:30, I rushed to the black box to see the cast list. Nathan and Sarah are the leads. EEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! Two of my best friends, hooray! I'm so excited for them. :)
--
Tonight, I went out for ice cream. I got an oreo cyclone, and it was yummy. I got a card, and it was sweet. I got Narry, and he's soft, and orange, and smiley, and basically magical. I'm really lucky.
- Music:Sing Sing Sing -Benny Goodman Orchestra
Profile
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif)
daytripper04- daytripper04
Syndicate
